AND NOW WHAT? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? - by Cristina Carmona

And now, what? What we are going to do? 

I really think we’re not going to be good... ever. You always get angry for all the things, and sometimes I really think that you like this situation, and I’m just tired. Sometimes I want to tell you "What happened to you?" You want what you want, when you want it, but sorry. That’s impossible. You’re not the centre of my attention and you don’t have all the power in the world. While I’m writing this, I’m afraid of what will happen if you read this, but I think that would not be a bad thing. I will be telling you what I really think of you and you will know it, and, maybe, and just MAYBE you’ll change. I don’t know if you will change in the way I’m always thinking about –probably not- but, really, I hope this changes; Especially because I know I’m not strong enough to talk to you face to face, and I admit it. That’s a thing that I must change, but I can’t... not this time.

And, yes, of course, I admit that you have good days and bad days, like the whole world. I also admit that some days you are very nice to me, but the next day you’re angry again. So, this friendship is nothing if you are nice just one day a month. I don’t know if I really want that. I want you as a friend, ‘cause –when you were nice- you showed me that you could be a good friend, and I want THAT friend, not this friend, who always talking about herself, even though you know I’m not well and I need to talk. So, if you’re reading this, I want you to talk to me again. I don't mean to have long conversations, just say “hi!”… If I did or I am doing something wrong just tell me. I will explain to you why I’m acting that way. I'm hoping you will understand it… so, if you’re reading this:

                                                                     I AM SORRY

Cristina Carmona Marin